No Whining

How can a word be so pleasant and ear numbing at the same time??? When I typed this title I thought of wine as in the liquid sense but to whine as in the pain in the ass sound a toddler makes has a totally different meaning one bitter and sweet, the other bitter and relaxing, but same side effects both leave you looking for the Tylenol because ai-ya-ya-i my head is killing me. Not so different??? Am I just rambling or is this making sense?
The other day marked my first day of literally locking myself into the bathroom to apply my make-up so as not to have a toddler pulling on my pant leg begging to hold her for no apparent reason just cause I want you. Yeah well I want you too but I want you to go play with the millions of toys that are collecting dust in the 300 sq foot toy room built just for you. Take that! the door will not open until your full out I WANT YOU tantrum turns into a whimper of "I not crying no more", cause who can resist a small child fully spent with tears, sweaty from the adrenaline rush to the quiver of the bottom lip "I sorry" face.??
Morgan and I have come to the point in our relationship where we have same views at different times. There is no compromise unless I feel the need to give in for the sake of wanting to reach into the cupboard drawer and pull out the duck tape or NyQuil. But I love her ALOT and would give anything for her happiness.
Oh the joys of child rearing no one can quite prepare you for it, you can read all the self-help books in the library but until you are standing in it you can't quite grasp the concept it holds.
I wonder being in a two parent home is it easier or harder??
Most days I am good with my decision making skills others I totally suck and I have no one to blame but myself. For the most part I try to reason with my two and a half year old which most times are Fail.....(but she said she understood so why is she doing it Ahhhhgain.) There are times at the end of a day I am just spent, worn out from explaining myself for the millionth time that day. I can't just hand over the responsibility hop in the car and race to the nearest Target for retail therapy. Six out of seven days a week it is just me and not to sound like I am tooting my own horn, night and day carrying the trials and tribulations of raising a tiny human and working full-time. When 10 o'clock rolls around you put your feet on the coffee table you have told your little one to stop standing on, banging on, hanging on all day, to be asleep before the opening credits of a prime-time show. Then I stop and think if I had a partner to tag team it would be so much more fun, but would it feel as rewarding? I do get breaks, over night stays when my daughter goes with her father or family but over indulging in that break causes chaos the next day if your not careful. Tending to a toddler on a hangover without support makes for a very.long.day. trust me on this one and you won't read that in any parenting book!
I am waiting for the day when my daughter turns to me to say Mom how did you ever do it?? Damn you were so good! and to leave me screaming outside that bathroom door for a whole two minutes has really made a difference in my life. I am not always going to get my way but to know you are there to comfort me when the frustration is over is worth more than any comfort of a bottle of wine.

For the Love of Mom

The last few mornings while getting ready for work I turn on the TV instead of watching the news about swine flu I have turned to CMT for my morning listening. Someone oughta call them up and tell them to put their videos on shuffle because the last few mornings I have been compled to watch a Taylor Swift video with a song she wrote for her Mom and it has brought me to tears every.single.time! The video shows home movies of a TS childhood and the cute voice of a toddler telling her Momma thank you for commenting on her piggy tails in her hair. It makes me turn to the love of my life Morgan with tears of joy over her thanking me for telling her she is a big girl.
I don't know what has come over me lately I have this over pouring of emotions built up inside of me. If I didn't know better I would think I was pregnant or had just given birth. Is there medication they can give to stop this insane need to cry over a toddler thanking her mother for pouring the best bowl of cheerios she ever had??
Or it could be the time of year I ponder what my relationship would have been if I had my own Mother been in my life the last 13 years. She is out there and I have often thought of her and what I would say given the opportunity to forgive her actions in the past. I have grown spiritually in the last three years to know that it is not for my to judge or condemn her for the hurt that was brought to my family. It is sometimes easier to ignore than to face the fact it happened. In my mind I am slowly building that bridge of forgiveness that will ultimately be for my own good. Will it change the past, no, but I know I am OK for what happened to me and reward myself to have overcome the obstacle.
As I look at my beautiful daughter so proud of her little accomplishments I envision her world will be so different than the one I grew up in. How lucky I am to have been given this gift of motherhood to bestow the love I never had in my own relationship with my mother. Not that I don't have women in my life I look up to or trust as a mother. Those women know who they are and my life is so much more rich with them in it. Their hope in me gives me strength to be the Mother I am to my girl. A gift Morgan already carries with her and shows at such a young age.
To all the Mothers out there who give their all to the little ones and big ones in their life, YOU are awesome people and for without you there would not be LOVE in the world.

Go fly a Kite

A few weeks ago we were invited by my good friend dr. Bray to a kite flying event. The day seemed made for kite flying, wind gusts of 40+ seemed like perfect weather to take a two year old and her dollar store kite for a whirl. It seems the whole city of C-Twp was there to par-take in the activities of food, music, pet a goat, ride a train, and hang out in the vehicles of law enforcement. A great time was had by all, thanks dr.Bray and family. (dr.Bray you have permission to take your adorable photo of you and your son from this site) Oh did I mention the thunderstorm that rolled in and we made it to the car before the monsoon let loose. But enough about that let's entertain you with pictures shall we?? that and I am about tired it is all I can give you at the moment. What I didn't capture was the kite wrapped around the fence, or my girl finding a mud hole and running in through it not once but three times, also did I mention her future baseball skills sliding chest first on the baseball diamond......I have a tom-boy on my hands tiaras are for princesses, as Morgan would say I not a princess I a BIG girl.