S M I L E

S.tart M.aking I.t L.ivable for E.veryone

Last night I attended my SMILE class that is required in the county for which I have decided to follow through with my divorce. The class is to make people aware of the added stress and unwanted guilt that children feel they are burdened with when their parents get divorced. A judge was one of the speakers who could not stress enough how important it is for the parents to get along for the sake of the child or children involved. The judge was quick to add that he has been through divorce and his ex is still his best friend and they treat each other with respect and their son has grown into a happy healthy prosperous young man who will be finishing law school this year. This class is to encourage the 1200 new cases of divorce in last 6 months the way it has treated 55,000 divorce cases in the past, since the program started 10 years ago. Here are just a few things I learned in the 2 hour presentation that will hopefully help me to grow out of this disaster they call marriage;

- Divorce is a grieving process just like death it requires time to heal
- Waving sharp objects at the ex is not a good idea if the child is in the room
- Name calling is not tolerated nor should it be spoke around the children
- Hen pecking the children for information on the ex-spouses new girl/boyfriend is prohibited
- Maintaining a respectful relationship and offering parenting time is encouraged
- Happy Happy Joy Joy should be repeated while hands are clapping when the child is going to spend time with the other parent and not discouraged
- If while child is with other parent before you use judgement think of how you would feel if your best friend did that same thing with the child would you be just as upset (for example ice cream before dinner)
- Think of how you would feel in the childs place before regimenting pick up and delivery times, be flexible, respect each others time (saying your going to be there and never show is cause for jail time---oh can't wait to use that one)!

I am sure there is more that I will remember when the time arises and when I finish the booklet of required reading. As I sat in the room of 200 plus people in failed marriages I felt like another statistic, but in another sense not so alone. Don't get me wrong I am not proud of my marriage falling apart and hate that I am challenged to raise a beautiful daugther in such a manner. I don't want her to fall victim to low self-esteem or guilt for coming into this world it is up to me to raise her higher than that. If that means I have to maintain a relationship of decency with my ex-spouse I am going to bite the bullet and do it. There was a reason at one time that I made a choice to procreate with this man which are not for the actions of late but because at one time he was a good person. I know he will treat our daughter the best he knows how. It will be a learning experience for all of us for sure. I think time will heal the wound that has been ripped out of my chest. I also think that because my baby is so young she will not know any different when she gets older and by that time I hope to be on the healing end of this tragedy called divorce.

side note : SD was also suppose to attend the class but had other priorities like playing 3 games of softball, but he did find time to stop at the house to kiss his daugther and cut the grass. He is off to a great start in parenting don't you think?? Just thinking positively SMILE!