SUN

I think Morgan said it best this morning, "Momma look the sun came out." Followed by "OH I am so proud of you sun."

Our weekend was eventful, the move went well no one got hurt. The big stuff was moved out and in within 3 hours, the un-packing and organizing has taken up most of my life. On more than one occasion I thought I have to much shit. I wish I could give you more but my mind is exhausted after searching all weekend for my cookie sheets only to find them yesterday in the back of my closet.

So here's to the sun keep shining so I can eventually open a window to clear the rest of the dust that hasn't settled yet.

Monday Meandering #22

Let me begin by telling you moving sucks! The End.

Why do people accumulate so much stuff?? stuff you use, stuff you don't, stuff that makes the house look homey, stuff that makes an apple peel easier, stuff you smell, stuff to read, stuff in drawers, stuff that fills your walk in closet, stuff you build, stuff that has been in a box since the day you moved in is still in the same box to move out! It is an overwhelming feeling to sit in so much stuff! Let me tell you I started to purge the stuff, but then the thought of a whole house of stuff having to be defined as keep, toss, or donate proved to be to much thinking on my part. Needless to say most of the stuff got tossed in a box anyway to be determined at a later date.

With that said I have moved a considerable amount of stuff to my new condo this weekend. I got my keys to the palace on Saturday and wasted no time loading up 2 cars and my Jeep and started pushing in the stuff through every opening I could find. How come it takes more time to load a vehicle than unload a vehicle and when you bring in the stuff it doesn't look like you moved in much?

Next weekend will be a final farewell to a home I have stayed in longer than any other in my lifetime. When I was young we moved often so I can adjust to change fairly quickly and welcome the new feel. Over the years I have learned it is not the roof over your head but the comfort in your heart that makes the place a home.

The home I am leaving feels like a place of bad choices and overwhelming responsibility. Over the last 3 years it has lost its luster of promises and happily ever after. That is not to say it is not chalked full of good times and fond memories. It will be remembered as the home my daughter was first brought home to, a place where she took her first steps. A great many family parties room for everyone to be in one place at one time. The basement with seven televisions and wicked surround sound that was built in 35 days. Girly nights and spilled wine. Quiet afternoons gardening, the never ending weeds. The admiration of a fresh cut lawn or the view of the stars. The experience has made me who I am today and will hopefully shape my character of tomorrow.

Hope has come in the form of change to a new beginning at a place I know feels like home. I look forward to more great times spent where my heart will pour out into my stuff that I surround myself in. I look forward to the laughter of good times my daughter will bring as we share new memories together in our condo.

I don't want to forget to mention my good friend dr. Bray her mother is my new landlord with our her giving me this opportunity to stay at her beautiful condo, I don't think I would have felt so much at home. I know she will be over to share in my joy as we share cocktails on a summer afternoon off the deck. Thank You Diane because of people like you in the world it is a much better place.

Some Kind of Wonderful

Tonight I was overcome by the Mother I have become. In just two plus years I have raised this tiny person of whom I would give my last breath. Everyday it amazes me the knowledge Morgan has already absorbed yet is never full. She can show many emotions and understands if I am sad and knows how to replenish my joy. My daughter is a never ending gift of love, full of the strongest hugs, and the sweetest voice as I lay her to sleep she can instantly melt my heart, when she tells me goodnight Mom. Before bed she asks me to sing her a lullaby, a familiar song that I have sang to her since she was born and the only song that would calm her on long car rides.

Tonight I held my baby girl a little longer than usual rocking her and listening to her breathe upon my chest. I thanked God for giving me this opportunity to raise a gift only He could have brought to this earth. It is a blessing to have a warm house, with basic necessities, and more than what we really need. He has given me the arms to warp around this little one that will one day over fill. Thank you for giving me the extra time tonight to hold Morgan peacefully and reflect on the blessings in my life.

Tonight I had a overwhelming feeling of peace that I am going to be ok, we are going to be ok. I am not alone because as I held my baby girl I felt a warmth around me of His presence. In my heart the relationships of family and friends that have grown out of my experience into single Motherhood that continue to grow.

Tonight instead of feeling alone I feel more collective.

Monday Meandering #21

There is this fine line of a talking toddler who understands what you are saying and talking toddler who is selective in what you are trying to say. Lately Morgan has become this tiny human who understands she is whining like a baby who needs juuuice momma juuuuciy momma in the Mickey Mouse cup with the blue top not the cute Minnie Mouse cup with the pink top. Perhaps maybe my respond time is on a different timer than hers, no wait it is on a different timer mine works at a 36 yr old level hers is 2.6 yr old level much faster. I find myself telling her just a minute alot to which she will repeat her request but only at an irritating higher pitch whine than before. In my mind my voice turns to her to say "There is no Mommie only Zuul"! and she is content to wait until Mommie has a second because whoa that is a wicked voice and you just grew horns. But that doesn't really happen so as calm as I can be, I look her in the face to reply until you ask like a big girl who doesn't whine you will get your juice and use the majic words. Then she gets this little curled bottom lip thing going and says please and clearly announces what she wanted in the first place. Then blame it on my eagerness to please I frantically search the house for the Mickey Mouse cup with the blue lid so the child will remain calm. Up until she wants a snack of dried pasta noodles not the bow tie the elbows, in a red cup! ugh. I know this stage will too be short lived just like the first 6 months without sleep, both make a mothers mind think things you never did before, like locking yourself in the closet. The next phase which WAIT don't tell me I want to be totally surprised, that and I don't have the time to look up tricks to tame a chimpanzee.

Moving day is only 20 short days away and I am no closer to packing than I was last Monday and I am not the least bit worried about it. I am sitting here looking at a pile of toys and mindless clutter of an address book that has more pieces of paper sticking out of it than pages in the actual book, I blame that on my family upbringing, my Grandmother has an industrial sized rubber band keeping her address book together. And that is just on my desktop! However I do have more than a dozen boxes packed sitting in my kitchen with what else kitchen stuff ready to go. I do plan to get more done tomorrow when the sun returns, the gloom of the day really makes me lazy.

I am still off on Mondays from work, my paycheck reflects the crappy end of it, while the sleeping in and not having to deal with the manic Mondays is the joyful side. I am still hoping to get back to a full work week sooner than later. I may just be packing up the truck and knocking on the door at 1600 Pennsylvania Ave and checking into a room there. Then will see how quickly the stimulus package gets this economy moving after listening to my girl all day ask for more juice!

The mind of My two year old

It perplexes me yet it is so simple the minds of babes. In conversation over a sippy cup of milk this morning while laying in bed, me trying to determine what turtleneck I was going to squeeze my freezing body into, and listening to the dog BARK. Morgan looked at me as I sighed in discuss to the barking, always barking, barking at we don't know what DOG.
me - *hard sigh* why dog, what can you possibly be barking at it is 5:30 in the morning!
morgan - Cujo barking
me - yeah baby she is, what do you think she is barking at?
morgan - the water
me - your probably right, does that make her crazy?
morgan - makes Mommy crazy