The last few mornings while getting ready for work I turn on the TV instead of watching the news about swine flu I have turned to CMT for my morning listening. Someone oughta call them up and tell them to put their videos on shuffle because the last few mornings I have been compled to watch a Taylor Swift video with a song she wrote for her Mom and it has brought me to tears every.single.time! The video shows home movies of a TS childhood and the cute voice of a toddler telling her Momma thank you for commenting on her piggy tails in her hair. It makes me turn to the love of my life Morgan with tears of joy over her thanking me for telling her she is a big girl.
I don't know what has come over me lately I have this over pouring of emotions built up inside of me. If I didn't know better I would think I was pregnant or had just given birth. Is there medication they can give to stop this insane need to cry over a toddler thanking her mother for pouring the best bowl of cheerios she ever had??
Or it could be the time of year I ponder what my relationship would have been if I had my own Mother been in my life the last 13 years. She is out there and I have often thought of her and what I would say given the opportunity to forgive her actions in the past. I have grown spiritually in the last three years to know that it is not for my to judge or condemn her for the hurt that was brought to my family. It is sometimes easier to ignore than to face the fact it happened. In my mind I am slowly building that bridge of forgiveness that will ultimately be for my own good. Will it change the past, no, but I know I am OK for what happened to me and reward myself to have overcome the obstacle.
As I look at my beautiful daughter so proud of her little accomplishments I envision her world will be so different than the one I grew up in. How lucky I am to have been given this gift of motherhood to bestow the love I never had in my own relationship with my mother. Not that I don't have women in my life I look up to or trust as a mother. Those women know who they are and my life is so much more rich with them in it. Their hope in me gives me strength to be the Mother I am to my girl. A gift Morgan already carries with her and shows at such a young age.
To all the Mothers out there who give their all to the little ones and big ones in their life, YOU are awesome people and for without you there would not be LOVE in the world.
I don't know what has come over me lately I have this over pouring of emotions built up inside of me. If I didn't know better I would think I was pregnant or had just given birth. Is there medication they can give to stop this insane need to cry over a toddler thanking her mother for pouring the best bowl of cheerios she ever had??
Or it could be the time of year I ponder what my relationship would have been if I had my own Mother been in my life the last 13 years. She is out there and I have often thought of her and what I would say given the opportunity to forgive her actions in the past. I have grown spiritually in the last three years to know that it is not for my to judge or condemn her for the hurt that was brought to my family. It is sometimes easier to ignore than to face the fact it happened. In my mind I am slowly building that bridge of forgiveness that will ultimately be for my own good. Will it change the past, no, but I know I am OK for what happened to me and reward myself to have overcome the obstacle.
As I look at my beautiful daughter so proud of her little accomplishments I envision her world will be so different than the one I grew up in. How lucky I am to have been given this gift of motherhood to bestow the love I never had in my own relationship with my mother. Not that I don't have women in my life I look up to or trust as a mother. Those women know who they are and my life is so much more rich with them in it. Their hope in me gives me strength to be the Mother I am to my girl. A gift Morgan already carries with her and shows at such a young age.
To all the Mothers out there who give their all to the little ones and big ones in their life, YOU are awesome people and for without you there would not be LOVE in the world.
5 comments:
this morning I heard a song by some Amy person I think called "see myself in your eyes" about moms/daughters... yeah, I cried!
You are the best mom! And, allow those tears to flow, girlfriend! They are tears of sheer JOY!
yes they have medicine for it...but it will just come back.
It is called life.
Just enjoy and let the tears flow. It is much more therapeutic that way!! Love ya!
Ever since I had Dean, I can cry at stuff like that. Hell, I can almost cry when he asks me not to go to work in the morning.
how is it that stuff like this makes me cry, yet there are days i totally want to kill my son...
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