Life I was meant to be in

Last week was the anniversary of the end of my marriage, a divorce and the beginning of single parenthood legally, one year come and gone. Last week was a reflection of sorts my mind cloudy from cold medicine, but coherent, I felt a calm in the reality of my life. These sort of thoughts wash over me from time to time, reminders if you will, that I am a single mom making decisions on my own in the best interest of me and my baby girl. Overwhelming decisions at times that well up inside my stomach and cause that lump in your throat as your face holds back tears. Tears that you want to come to release the emotion flooding inside your body, but you hold back and tell yourself to be strong. Things that will work themselves out, there is no use trying to control situations that were created to build character and celebrate adversity of a life you were meant to be in, this the calm of reality.
Without sounding ungrateful for a home I currently have, I look forward to a new home I have yet to live in. So many memories surround me in my house, empty corners of "things" that were once shared are now only foot marks of crushed carpet and dust filled holes in the wall where a TV once stood. As much as I would like to fill those voids with something the feeling to run away from it increases. I long for moving day a fresh start to organize my things as I know them, a life I was meant to be in.
My new journey started last week, one that in the next year Morgan and I WILL be moving. We don't know where or how but it is imminent and the lump grows in my throat. The fear of the unknown but the thought of a new peace consumes my life now. My hope is that we will make it and it doesn't have to be big or grand but it will be made with love. Love of a single parent of a little girl who I knew would come to change my world and also bring it in focus. Changes in my mind that I know will bring hope for a rekindled spirit in my thoughts on what it all means anyway, which will still bring the lump in my throat but a lump I hope will bring more joy with the comfort of a life I was meant to be in.
When the dust settles from the chaos that will pick up our belongings and bring them to a new place to live. There will be more time to laugh, more time to play, more time to be a mother and feel the lump in my throat that will come. New memories that have yet to be written on paper or captured in a photo. A new year of things that will not always be easy but will be mine, ours. Overwhelming thoughts of gratefulness that this is the life I was meant to be in.