How to get your groove back; Part One

What I am about to tell you may come as a complete shock to some of you, others may just be tuning in and don't know about how long it has been but...................I am going out on Saturday with a MAN. I KNOW! relax, the more giddy you all get the more butterflies infest in my stomach. Now this is what you need to know and what you need to do to help me through this first step(plunge) I haven't taken in OH a generation!

First a little about this man we will call Better than Cheddar(because I know he has a love for cheese) and to protect his identity until a later date. But maybe we should change the name because dear Lord can you imagine if he becomes my husband and I tell him the first time I blogged about him he was Better than Cheddar. Yeha I'm rollin' with it. BTC is a friend of a good friend of mine, couple friends actually, we hung out as a group a few times inter-mingling and having casual conversation. BTC is single, has never been married, has a good job, owns his own home, and is currently dating a young girl who does not live with him. No I am not the young girl BTC is 11 months younger than me, I am the old broad. I have some issues with this arrangement but this is where I need your advise, by going out with BTC am I the other woman? Part of me says yes because he has been dating her for almost 2 years and I can only assume she has a toothbrush at his house. Part of me says no because they are not married or committed by living together. Either way I feel a little weird about the whole thing but don't want it to hinder my chance to just get out and do something!

Second where do we go? I'm thinking dinner and cocktails and hoping to not be over served.

Third what do I wear? I am gonna play it safe no mini-skirts or stripper shoes I tend to save those for the second date, or maybe now that I am older the third. Perhaps a new top and jewerly a trip to Kohls may help with that.

Now that I have resorted to relying on the people of the Internet to give me advice, I am going to back away and see what you all throw my way and digest the contents that should flood my inbox in about five minutes. Stay tuned for more details if they should become available. If you will excuse me I have to finish my salad in my attempt to lose at least ten pounds by Saturday.

Wind beneath my wings

I have not given up on MEN totally. This man is the reason I have hope for a future.
Meet JayZ(not to be confused by the rapper, alot less rich)......
pictured here with my nephew, his son Luke for a day with Thomas the Train.

He ain't heavy he's my brother. A man for which I know much if not all of his past good and evil. JayZ is eighteen months younger than I and as far back as I could remember we fought like cats and dogs. On a daily basis we would be locked in a room together when we fought. Our mother would always say if you can't play together then you can't play with anyone else, little did she know we would pretend to like each other just to get out of the house and while out of her sight would sling mud pies at each other.
Somewhere around the age of adulthood and maturity we stopped fighting and took a step back to let each other know how much we cared for each other. We were challenged early in life but were given each other to share the burden. Without my brother I would not have respect for things I have or things I have wished for but never received.
I am blessed with a brother who with simple words can remind me of family when I tend to forget and a brother who will tell me off when I get selfish. A man who is a great father to my nephew Luke and a loving husband to my SIL BabZ if she keeps him fed. A brother who loves his niece Morgan as much as I do.

Finally Spring!

We have been having a great week enjoying the sun and warm weather finally! I have made a point get outside and introduce Morgan to the sky, the grass, the rocks in the driveway(the only thing that she insists on playing with when we are out), the swings, the slide, and the joy of just running outside!! She LOVES it and can feel her excitement when she stops every once in awhile and does her little baby shakin dance, where she does a half squat bends her arms and does a little twist all while shaking her head and sticking out her tongue.
Yesterday we invited ourselves over to the neighbors to enjoy their new swing set. My neighbors have a daugther(Emma) who is 4 and she is mother hen to Morgan. Emma makes sure Morgan does not get hurt and is sure to tell me if Morgan can or cannot do something. Morgan is intrigued by everything right now did I mention EVERY.THING. and has no fear in climbing a swing set that sits just as high as I can reach and she will slide down the big slide forget the little one it is for babies! Needless to say I lost my breathe a couple times last night reaching for my fearless child who thinks it is funny to repeat my gasp for breath! The sandbox was a big hit Emma does not like to get her hands dirty, on the other hand mine goes head first and digs right in sitting smack dab in the middle tossing sand as if it is confetti at a ticker tape parade. It is going to be a long summer trying to contain my baby who is now obsessed with going ou-side(outside)!

So much for the hillbilly wagon pulling in the house......and the milk jug races!We get to play outside in the sun and stare up in the sky for birdies!

Friday night life

As I sat at the dining room table Friday night to sort through the receipts retrieved from the inside of my purse that have accumulated over 12 weeks, and have caused much stress to myself trying to put my wallet back in the same position it nested before. Stress that I am sure on the next trip to the grocery store would have had me dropping to my knees on the floor and with much agrevation causing me to dump the contents of the purse out screaming "I CAN'T TAKE IT NO MORE"!! Where I am sure would lead to some sort of trip to the looney bin and stripped of my parental rights. I decided to get a handle on the situation(that is me always thinking ahead). As I un-wrinkled pieces of paper and outdated coupons I noticed my boss's credit card. The credit card that I forgot to give him Friday after I picked up lunch for the office. Being the responsible person I am I texted messaged him to let him know I had the card;

me - I have your visa see you monday
boss - I'll be watching the bill for any charges made to Danny's**inserted to explain to those who don't know(a male review nightclub, which was popular in the 90's, I don't even know if it is still open, and will not search for it on the internet because I am pretty sure boss is tracking my web-activity)
me - If they have child care I am there!

Monday morning I return the boss his credit card and he says the guys on my bowling team were confused "She's taking her kid to a strip club??""she must be desperate!" Obviously they don't know my sense of humor, or the fabulous life I was leading that night at the dining room table in my yoga pants (used for lounging) with a beer figuring out my bills! yeha!

Parenting Consideration #11

Before thinking of parenthood there should be a list of considerations. This list should not be sugar coated or misleading by any means. Come to think of it some should be considered scare tactics. I know some of you parents out there have children who can do no wrong. Mark my words I am not that parent, I am not the one to say my kid will not do that.......

Case and point, consideration #11(and scare tactic), yesterday in a trip to the grocery store one in which I frequently stop by because I am forgetful and don't make a list (note to self this should be #326, becoming parent makes one lose their mind). My sweet daughter is very independent or at least this is the nice way of saying "your daugther really knows how to voice her opinion, whiny little twit". During our trip at the store she decides five minutes into our much needed fill the cupboards, need diapers and wipes, don't forget the milk and bread, where is the list I didn't fill out shopping trip. My dear daughter decides she wants out of the God-forsaken cart that she is imprisoned in to walk. She looks at me and points to the floor and says "I walk". I suggest that she eats a grape and she is entertained by the idea, and we move on. A few minutes goes by and she points again "I walk". I say no not right now we are shopping, this is not what she wanted to hear, in a fit of rage kicking and yelling "I WALK" over and over again, screaming fills the air, and nothing I suggest will stop the evil head spinning child from changing head mind to walk. I frantically start throwing random things in the cart at this point because people walking by are commenting that wow someone doesn't want to be in there do they? Did I mention my sister was with us? well my sister decides that she would watch her(because my sister is uncomfortable by all the people starting to stare) and takes her out of the cart. I did not think it was a great idea but it stopped the squawking of a persistant "I WALK""I WALK" toddler that if it wasn't for her mother waiting till we used the last diaper and need many more things at home where is my list that is keeping me from walking out the door and saying F it all! We were defeated by a 2 ft and a couple inch tall independent child who can WALK and talk and will remind me for the rest of her life that she is the ring leader in this single parent show.

Do not let the big eyes fool you, this child will take you down................

SIS

I can remember the day this girl Ashley Rose came into my world 23 years ago today. Ashley had a full head of jet black curly hair, a small cherry red birth mark on top of her head(that has since faded) and big blue eyes with eyelashes so dark with no need for mascara. I was 12 at the time of her birth and loved taking her for walks, dressing her up and fixing her hair that needed pig tails by the time she was six months old. We shared a room together and for the three years of her life every time she would make a sound I would bring her to bed with me. I felt this girl was my own real life baby doll. After school she would run to the front door to greet me with a book in hand and demand I sit and read to her. Those days are now gone but what is left is a great friendship in a sister that is 23 years old today. A sister who is ever so giving, loving and caring when she isn't suffering from that time of the month.

Happy Birthday SIS!!

Aunt Ashey as she is known by her favorite niece in the world. The only niece she will share dipping dots with of the cookies and cream variety!!

I am so gullible

I have a guilty pleasure of reading my daily horoscope. Sometimes it is true to words and other times it makes no sense at all. But today, today my friends someone is pullin my leg and should have warned me to fix my hair and wear a little more make-up or some lucky bastard is gonna love me for who I AM!!!...behold today's horoscope;

A neighbor or relative whom you haven't spoken to for a while might suggest that you attend a social event together, dear Capricorn. Make the time for it, as it could open up doors for you that you wouldn't normally expect. Relationships of all kinds should be going especially well, and this includes romance. If you're involved, expect to grow closer. If you aren't currently involved, don't be surprised if someone new and exciting comes into your life.

New Chair

When I started my job four and a half years ago I painted my office and re-arranged furniture to liven up the place. The past administrative office woman lived in my office for 15 years. The woman dwelled here without dusting and when she got the urge to paint she would put up a new picture of Tom Cruise with a thumb tack, which would explain the wall in front of me that was riddled with pin holes that looked like a drive by had passed. A drive by of a hundred angry secretaries armed with staplers pissed off that the phone they just answered was another moran trying to send a fax to a live person line(BEEEEEP), if you have ever experienced something like that you know how the sound penetrates the brain and sends you into a phone slamming fit!

Where was I? OH, so anyway after spackling the wall with 2 jars of putty and painting my 100 sq ft place with a window and a door my boss gave me permission to replace the swivel chair of 1945 with anything I wanted, so off to the office supply I went. Mind you I was new and just came from a job that failed and shut its doors so I went thrifty and bought a swivel chair that matched my one maroon wall it was sleek but not very comfortable and last all of four and a half years. The chair broke last week not completely but a wheel fell off causing me to lose balance forward or backward depending on the position the chair was in at the time I leaned. I asked the maintenance guy to take a look at it and after an hour of trying to take out the caster and try to "beat the hell out of it to stay put" his words not mine, he determined it was broke. He said a sure fix would be to remove all the wheels and place.......................wait for it....................duct tape on the legs so as not to scratch the floor. I thought to myself there goes my chance of winning the office chair race down the hall next week. But as luck would have it in walks the boss and after assessing the situation (all six wheels removed, duct tape wrapped two of the wheel-less pegs) demands the chair out of the office and tells the maintenance man to take his assanine idea to the dumpster and hands me the shop credit card to buy me a new chair.

This afternoon I stopped in at the local office supply and got me a brand new chair!! A grey leather chair that is fully cushioned with spring loaded lift, supports my back and has tilt!! I am a thrifty shopper and this model was on sale with an instant savings of $80 and I had a 20% off coupon, but this one is built much stronger than the one I had just hours ago. I know you are all just jealous of my glamorous job right now and want to kick my ass, but sorry I am sitting on it right now in my new chair!!!

My Celebrity look a-likes

So my friend dr.Bray had me curious to see what my morph-ology celebrity profile would most likely compare me to. Much to my surprise Lisa Kudrow was NOT one of them!! But hey look out Ashton Kutcher I may surprise you one day claiming to be your wife! Dear Bridget I feel your pain girl, call me we'll do lunch.